You had a baby, are now done with your postpartum recovery period, things should be back to normal, but you just can’t seem to find the time to have sex with your husband. In this article, I share 7 simple ways you can find time for sex after baby (no matter the age of your kids, because friend, it’s hard in every age).
This post contains affiliate links. You can read my full disclosure here.
How in the world do you manage to find the time for sex in between all those feedings, diaper changes, scary nightmares, and everything else that comes with the little one? And all the other things you already had on your plate?
You simply don’t! You have to make the time.
If you think there will come a time when you and your husband will happen to be sitting next to each other, alone, with no kids, and the romance will just flow naturally as before, I have to be brutally honest and tell you that you’re most likely dreaming.
That probably won’t happen anytime soon in your life. You and your husband might find yourselves next to each other, but you will be so tired that sex probably won’t happen.
What happens is that after you have kids, no matter their age, you absolutely have to change your mindset. You can’t wait for intimacy to happen.
You have to be intentional.
Make the time.
Create the opportunity and the mood.
Be creative, take initiative.
Let’s take a look at 7 different ways you can find time for sex after baby
1. Home dates
The first one is the easiest of all. Home dates! Find a couple that has kids around the same age as yours, who are committed to keep the fire in their marriage, and arrange a childcare swap with them.
One week, they can watch your children so you and your husband can have a home date and the following week you can watch their children so they can do the same or have a night our if they want to.
Use that time to get intimate. Talk, laugh, dance to a romantic song, do things you wouldn’t do with your children around, and ultimately, have sex.
2. Make your bedroom “off limits” to the kids
The rules and preferences vary a lot from family to family. You might love your kids in your bed all the time… and that’s ok, but it comes with consequences. Sex becomes a harder goal if your bedroom is full of kids all the time.
What my husband and I did very early in the game, was to let our kids know that our bedroom is mommy and daddy’s.
They can play there during the day or read books with us, but…
They always sleep and nap in their own beds in their own bedroom (they slept with us for the first few months. Once they went to their bedroom, we made it a rule.) This gives us the freedom to do whatever we want in our bedroom when they’re sleeping or napping.
Having this rule in place has allowed us to get intimate since they were a few months old, as soon as we transferred them to their own bedrooms.
Yes, quickies! Not every time you have sex with your spouse needs to be like a romance novel. Quickies are a wonderful way to feel loved and show love to your husband without needing much planning, preparation, or anything else, really.
In the Christian book Intimate Issues, by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus (where many of these tips are inspired by), I read this:
With three preschoolers in the house, Colleen and her husband were rarely having sex. “I decided we could at least have a ‘quickie’. The kids were watching a video in the basement. I told Gene there was a leak in the upstairs bathroom that needed his attention. When he got to the door, I grabbed his hand, pulled him in, and turned the lock. We made love with me leaning against the sink. It was a little uncomfortable, but exhilarating! Now all I have to say is, ‘Honey, there’s a leek in the sink’, and he’s upstairs in a flash!”
Although my kids are still very young for me to live them in another room (without any supervision) for more than a few minutes, I really found this story encouraging.
As hard as it may be to keep the flame burning in our marriages, there’s always a way! All we need to do is make the time and be intentional.
I’m halfway through the Christian book Intimate Issues, which was written to answer 21 questions most frequently asked by Christian wives on the top of sex.
It’s been an amazing read, clarifying many of my own questions and encouraging me to cultivate intimacy in my own marriage.
Do you know those questions that you really want to know the answer to but are too shy to ask anyone about?
They’re all in the book! Linda and Lorraine talk about everything we want to know as Christian wives. “Is this right? Is this wrong? What does the Bible say about this?” It’s all there.
I would recommend it to anyone based on what I’ve read so far!!! I can’t wait to pick it up and keep reading…
#4. Romantic Getaway
My husband and I don’t have any family in town so we took a long time before going on a romantic getaway with the kids.
I think deep down we were afraid something was gonna go wrong with us not being in town. It’s hard to trust someone else completely with our kids, isn’t it?
Last month, for our 5-year anniversary, we finally managed to go on our first romantic getaway after babies were born. Just the two of us.
Can I just say it’s a wonderful way to reconnect? To talk, to see your spouse, have tons of quality time, and remember what it feels like when it was just the two of you. We even made it a goal to go on a romantic getaway every year!
Try this one. Find a babysitter you trust and go enjoy your man for a whole weekend. I promise you’ll want to do it again and again and again.
#5. Date night out of the home
How about you and your loved one have an unexpected date night at a hotel room in the city? It’s kinda like a mini romantic getaway, but easier to accomplish.
Hire a babysitter for the night or do the childcare swap arrangement with your friends and voilá! Done.
There’s nothing in this world that prayer won’t help. When it comes to our marriage, it’s the same. Praying for our sex life is one of the things we can do to not only find the time but to be able to create the mood, when everything else seems to point us another direction (to the bed – for a nap – for instance).
Here are a couple of verses you can pray that will help you keep sex a priority in your marriage:
His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16
She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Proverbs 5:19
I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own. Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed.There I will give you my love. Song of Solomon 7:10-12
And here’s one of my favorite paragraphs from the book Intimate Issues:
It’s better to be sensuous than to have a perfect “10” body. Delighting your husband with your breasts and giving him ecstasy (Proverbs 5:19), swaying your hips seductively and displaying your body before him (Song of Solomon 6:13 – 7:9) will cause him to revel in the joy of your body. It is God’s gift to him. Your body is for him.
Reading these make me feel more comfortable with my own body not only in what it looks like but in what it was created for. Our bodies were also created to experience and give pleasure to our husbands.
Praying over and remembering these verses will help us desire sex and create the mood for it easily.
#7. Make it a priority
Having sex with our husbands connects us with them and brings us closer. It’s a way of showing and receiving love.
If we don’t make it a priority in this season of our lives (with kids), when will it become one? If we keep it in the back burner, it won’t happen.
It’s all about making it a priority, scheduling a date, creating the mood, and making the time!
You don’t find the time for sex after baby. You make the time for sex after baby!
Are we all convinced yet? I hope these 7 simple tips will help you make the time for sex with your spouse even with little ones underfoot.
Let’s recap the 7 ways you can do that, shall we? Home dates, reclaiming your bed to yourselves, quickies, romantic getaway, date nights out of the home (at a hotel), prayer, and making it a priority.
Now it’s your turn to share with us in the comment section below how you make the time for sex in your marriage (even with kids).