There’s no answer to the question “How to be a good mom”. Being a mom is hard work and the mom guilt sucks, so here’s what we should do about it…
I remember the day when Sam, my first born, came to this Earth. All the fear, anxiety, stress, all the negative emotions left my heart and gave place to a pure and unending love.
When they are born, we are reborn as mothers. As they start developing and learning with the world around them, so do we, with them. They teach us even more than we can teach them.
Every milestone and every big change we had to go through with Sam, made my heart pound 100 beats faster. Every single one of them, made me nervous, anxious and made me doubt myself as a mother. They brought back all the fear of the unknown.
The mom guilt is no joke
In every one of those moments, I asked myself what the right way was.
I read books, online articles, blogs, and I asked for opinions and advices. We all wish there was this great article that would tell us “how to be a good mom”.
I went into all those milestones and new things with zero confidence. I doubted all of my ways, I had mom guilt even before anything happen… but you know what happened in the end?
Every single time, we were able to accomplish what we had to. Together, as mother, father and son.
My husband and I would follow the books, articles and opinions we thought fit our parenting style. Then, half way into our journey we’d realize it happened different for us.
Not everything that happened to our friends or in the articles, happened to us.
Ditch the mom guilt
Each parent, each child and each situation is different. There’s no one-fits-all parenting style. There’s no one-fits-all potty training method or feeding method.
Every family has their own timing and their own way.
There’s no “How to be a good mom” guide.
I still love to read and ask for opinions and advices. But now I know they are only tools that can help me go through the process.
Sometimes, I’ll use one of them. Sometimes, I’ll use them all and even discover more. Sometimes, I’ll use nothing and we’ll get there in our own pace and unique way.
Delete the “how to be a good mom?” question from your head
I gathered a couple of examples from our struggles so you can have an idea of how many times the mom guilt took over me. I’m pretty sure it took over you just as many times, huh?
Sam always loved the pacifier and I remember I was so nervous to wean him off of it because of all the stories I’d heard from friends. They told me their kids cried night after night, they told me their kids asked for the binky numerous times. I thought it would be a really hard process – a nightmare – but Sam only asked for it one time and adjusted really well to it.
He never tried escaping his crib and for that reason he slept on it for a long time. When he was two and a half, we thought it was time to transition him to a toddler bed. Again, I was so afraid… Afraid he would fall out, afraid he would walk to our room waking us up every night and we were never gonna be able to have a full night of sleep again (Lol).
Then, he got really close to 3 years old. He turned 3 on July 15th of 2017, and I thought there was no way we could wait anymore to potty train him. I was waiting for him to be interested in the potty and start wanting to use it, but I saw this day wasn’t coming so we decided to do it, because for us, it was time. Again, I was so scared, nervous and freaking out about it, but he did it so easily. I never thought this would be possible.
Mom guilt doesn’t help us
What I wanna say is, we all have our fears and insecurities.
No one doubts themselves more than we do, but our ways are always the best for our kids.
We know them and we love them! The bond we have, and only we have, can tell us if we’re doing ok.
We’ll never be perfect, but we will be good, we will succeed (even if it doesn’t look like it).
Following our hearts and ignoring the bad comments is how we do that. Ignoring the undesired judgmental looks that come our way is how we do that.
Only God knows our heart, so why care so much about what someone else thinks?
God knows you can do it
Let’s let go of our fears, insecurities and doubts. God gave us our kids and He gave us to our kids, because He knew we could do it, He knew we would be the best we can for them.
Let’s believe in ourselves and in our ways, let’s believe in our love and bond with our kids. That’s enough. We’re enough for them!
So stop asking how to be a good mom. Stop listening to the mom guilt. Your love, your efforts, and your actions make you the best mom you could be for your babies.
What helps you ditch the mom guilt? What helps you trust more in yourself? I’d love to hear in the comments your tips and tricks to feeling guilt-free!